Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Dear diary, doubts.
It just happens. I think im suffering from some sort of nervous breakdown or something. I dont know what you call it but i think im suffering from aneroxic, anaemia and mental instabilty. It happens altogether at once. I threw up, fainted after that, and i woke up, getting hysterics. What do you call that? I think im getting damn stressed up over tha slightest things. Rah, im a walking magnet and problems are attracted to me like Northpole to southpole and moths to flames. I think it is retribution. Since im bloody kind and mr f-nice, i can only believe that it's my parents who have sinned and me, being so nice, have kindly accepted to take their retribution on their behalf. Il bet they must be thanking all tha lords that they have given birth to someone like me. PEACE!
But anyway, hasnt been updating for quite a number of days and ta-da, here i am blogging, letting everyone see what went wrong with my life. I think it has gotta do something with karma. I cant explain it but ITS JUST THERE. Soooooo urgh! Was late for tha past three days, as usual. I think J.b shd really start bucking up their employment thingy. Whats with ppl flocking to Singapore to work as construction workers. Pleeeeease, just becos their currency is twice of ours, doesnt mean we need to do that. Do we? I guess, but it's still wrong of tha motorcyclists who went out of their lanes and went as far as jamming tha whole causeway. Its like, damn, tha whole causeway is packed. I cant even walk across to tha other side. Imagine that! Things only get worse even more when you need to hold two pri four kids across tha damn bloody packed causeway. For two consecutive days, tha bus uncle had fetched me from my home at 4.30. I hadnt even brushed my teeth, much less dressed. I got up tha bus with my p.e attire hanging loosely off my shoulders and my socks stuffed inside my pockets. Great start for tha day. And still, even after picking us 30 minutes earlier, we stil cant get to school on time and tha only thing we managed to do was to breathe in a handful of carbon monoxide and soot from those bloody vehicles crossing tha causeway. Everyone should just stay at home until 8 before they wake up and go to work. EVERYONE SHOULD.
My life is a mess. Seriously. Just yesterday, i got back home, only to realised my sister was drunk as a wheelbarrow. Vomited like there is no tmr and said words like " I really love you all" and all that shit. Not that it dont matters, it just happens to matter too much. Had this mass conference with tha second sissy as well as tha first. Poured evythg out that has been bottling inside us like those sasi-cans. Drew to some forgone conclusion:
1) My sister wil NOT stop smoking and drinking.
2) My sister wil be going back to Singapore to work and hence, quitting school by tha end of this semester.
3) We love each other too damn much and therefore, my second sissy and me decided that we shall give her our blessing afterall. Isnt that what all of us want from each other? To have each other blessings, and know that while you're working, you know that we are happy for you and whatever decisions you made, we wil support you till tha end. Isnt that what siblings are for? To hold each other while crying, and say how we hate one another, but in tha end, evythg really meant nth. I guess siblings are friends FOREVER. Like those who wil reeally hold on to you till tha end, and accept you for who you really are and not who you appears to be or have. They watch you grow and see you become who you really are NOW. I think all siblings shd have a common understanding between one another. Because of tha waning patience we have for one another, i think it's always good to let them know what you're thinking? Disagreements aint bad. It spices up each other's lives and because you want them to know what you are thinking and it so happens that your ideas dont click, and thats why they occur. Its an act of love. Bcos you love too much thats why you become too obstinate and dogged to other people's opinion. What you think might be best for them might not be best for them at all. Isnt this what we call "siblings". Sometimes, i really dont think what im doing is right and yet, its seems it cant be getting any MORE wrong. Its just like your life is a bunch of thursdays all strung up together. Boring and just when it seems right to do so, it only seemed to be wrong. And yet, when you really think about it again, you cant seem to get any MORE right or wrong then whatever you're doing then. Its hoplessness, helplessness, desperation and misery all strung up together. Urgh.
And all of you should know by now that im reviewing from tha latest happenings to tha past few stuffs that happened to me. Yeah, Dom was absent from school YESTERDAY, and tha class was PEACEFULLY quiet. Its damn tiring to keep up whatever im doing. Le sighs, i dont even know what im doing is right. Maybe i shouldnt even treat him that well, but shdnt we contribute selflessly to work out a friendship? But its damn saddening when tha other party doesnt seem to be responding. tha only thing he said to me tha whole day was probly when i said i was getting suspension and only then did he looked up and asked me whats wrong. Fcuk evythg. I think tha problem seriously lies with me. Am i making myself TOO readily available for him? Nayyy, i shouldnt worry about stuffs like that bcos theres more important tasks that i should give more attention to. And i think it's just somethg i have. Hoooola, had soccer this morning and was damn hilarious luh. I managed to save two goals and goaled one for tha opponent's team. But then, it was still a FUCKING DRAW. Loool, and tha whole class seemed to went crazy. Jason and I were crazily pointing each other Tha finger. Loool. ACtually, i dont think all of us act like 4/1s. Haha, thats why this class is more interesting than ever? I think i should give tha class and i more credit than that. Haha! Then did some cleaning and went to eat kfc with Alan. Was doing some catching up with his present life and saw this teenage couple from our school. Both of them barely even look like 15. That guy was like touching tha girl's boobies. Heh, tmr im going to pastamania with mossie. Probly gonna do some catching up with him too. Its been some time since we really talk. And i feel bad over hovering Dom. That asssssssss. And gonna meet haopengyou tha day after tha next. I seriously think im getting those exam-vibes. Esp when you'r having english tmr!!!! You start pronouncing every word as if its tha most precise and paramount thing in your entire life. I think i might be normal after all. Im actually feeling nervous and all fidgety now despite tha reassurance i just gave to jasmine. Lol, dont all teenagers feel like this? I think i might be normal after all. But maybe not, its like tha karma and tha right-wrong thingy. Il tell you, someday im gonna write a thesis on all these karma and stuffs.
Looool, i might start CHRONICLES OF AYJJ and a thesis of mine with all these rantings and happenings. Lol, gotta start working my ass now and i think Joyce is a faggot. Haha.
if i had that one wish }